Standing sex can feel like the most inspired idea in the universe until you’re getting thrusted into at an awkward angle by someone whose height doesn’t align with yours. A lot of the time, it ends up being one of those "we went for it and honestly, it wasn’t great" kind of situations. "Having sex standing up [comes from] spontaneity and unbridled passion," Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a licensed sex therapist, tells us.
While passion is ace, having sex standing up can often present more problems than benefits. "Standing up sex is great for daring and adventurous lovers but the one thing that is missing is the aspect of stability, which comes from a better, flat surface," Ghose says. Like a bed!
But, don’t be discouraged! Standing sex may be more complex than getting down and dirty betwixt the sheets, but there are definitely ways that you can make it happen — and happen well.
Check out this complete guide to standing sex so that you can have the best experience ever.
The appeal of standing sex
Standing sex is a pretty complicated bag, so what is it that makes people so horny for it? Well, the fact that it isn’t super easy IS part of the appeal. Zachary Zane, author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, and the resident sex expert at Sniffies, tells us that standing sex is a really great way to show off how strong and flexible you are. In a world that considers good sex to be the most acrobatic sex, the appeal seems clear.
Zane points out that some standing positions allow you to "to hit different (and sometimes deeper) angles, which can enhance pleasure."
It has an element of the "I can’t wait to have you so get against this wall" level of passion that most people love to feel towards and from a partner.
There’s an element of surprise and changing up the routine. "The appeal of standing sex is that it gets you out of the bed (and a rut) and most likely out of the bedroom to give a boost to your sex life," says Taylor Sparks, an erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven. "We get into routines and next thing you know, we are bored." It’s fun to try something new and get creative.
With standing sex, you also have the benefit of versatility. You can have it in a closet, in the shower, in a hallway etc. This ability to have it almost anywhere makes it a go-to when the passion strikes.
And this is its main appeal: That it has an element of the "I can’t wait to have you so get against this wall" level of passion that most people love to feel towards and from a partner.
Take advantage of support aids
Chairs, walls, counters, queening chairs, and anything that allows for all people with all bodies and abilities to take advantage of standing sex is amazing. "This will help take some pressure off of your muscles and allow you to sustain the position for longer," Zane says. "For example, if you're doing a standing doggy style, the bottom can place their hands or elbows on the wall in front of them."
If you’re using a counter, the receiving partner can sit facing the standing partner with their legs wrapped around them. "Face-to-face standing sex is great for intimacy and kissing," Ghose says.
Using surfaces and furniture to your advantage doesn’t make your standing sex "less than" because:
1. Sex should be about having as much pleasure as possible.
2. Sex is not a competition and doing it in a way that makes it better for you is a good thing.
Whatever you can use to make your sexual experience more comfortable, get after it.
Don’t go die-hard for penetration
When our definition of sex refers to penetrative sex, we do ourselves a massive disservice. Sex is an expansive practice, not one boxed in by heteronormative definitions.
Oral sex is such a winner for standing sex. "I think there is something so arousing about a proper face smothering [during standing sex]," Zane tells us. "[This is] where one partner squats over the other, and the person underneath eats out the ass or vulva of the person on top of them."
Need some extra cushion? Literally grab a cushion and put it under your knees for more support. If one person wants to lie down, or has limited mobility, you can have the giving partner lie or kneel on the bed while the receiving partner stands in front of them.
Get some toys into the play
Don’t be afraid to bring toys into the mix when you’re having standing sex … or any sex. Using your favorite vibrator on yourself while fooling around can make standing sex sizzling.
You might be thinking: Standing sex is spontaneous so where do toys fit in? This is another opportunity to get creative. If you’re in the kitchen, grab a wooden spoon to use as a light paddle for spanking. If you’re in the laundry room, snatch a (clean) T-shirt or pair of panties to use as makeshift handcuffs. It’s all about upping the sensory experience.
Oh, and if possible given when and where you have standing sex — use lube! All sex is better sex when you have lube involved.
3 standing sex positions to get you started
Here are a few positions to get you going. Keep in mind that all of these positions can be modified to include sex toys and don’t need to include penetration, if that’s not your jam. Get experimental and find what works for you.
Modified downward facing dog
"I say modified as the person being penetrated has both knees slightly bent with hands on the floor to maintain balance," Sparks says. The person penetrating has both hands on their partner’s hips to guide the thrusting. "This position also allows for deep penetration and the occasional 'spank' on the [bum]."
Standing doggy style
This is where one partner enters the other from behind. "The receiving partner can rest their hands on the bed or a wall for support," Zane explains.
Keep in mind that this position can be hard to pull off if the insertive partner is much taller than the receiver. "If that's the case, the receiver should try to find a bed where they can rest their knees that positions them higher up," Zane adds.
The Iron Chef
This position is where one partner props themselves up on a bed or desk and wraps their legs around the standing insertive partner. "This position is a very intimate position that allows for both sustained eye contact and deep penetration," Zane says.
Lastly, keep in mind that if you’re not feeling it, it isn’t pleasurable, or you’re just exhausted from the effort — you can always move to the bed (or floor or wherever) and have sex there. Putting pressure on yourself to have sex you’re not into is a real kill boner killer (for people of both clit and penis persuasion).
