My iPhone, normally the quotidian keeper of grocery lists and Fitbit stats, has lately begun to feel like a sprawling self-help library. The transformation began a few weeks ago, when I decided to test several meditation and mindfulness apps in order to share with you, dear reader, tips and insights from my experiment.

At first I felt giddy. I'd downloaded seven different apps that promised, in one way or another, to bring me closer to my best self. I was just days into 2018 and suddenly had access to dozens of meditation sessions that spanned the self-improvement spectrum. Feeling distracted? Here, try this 10-session course on productivity. Not sleeping well? You definitely need to unwind with a guided body scan. Suffering from burnout? There’s a meditation (or 100) for you.

Even though I don’t make New Year's resolutions, the promise of using an app to clear a new path to spiritual and psychological enlightenment felt like as fresh a start as any. So I began exploring the apps Calm(opens in a new tab), Headspace(opens in a new tab), 10% Happier(opens in a new tab), Simple Habit(opens in a new tab), LARKR(opens in a new tab), Pacifica(opens in a new tab), and Shine(opens in a new tab) with the hope that one of them could do what my IRL meditation classes hadn't yet done: turn me into someone who makes time, every day, to quiet my mind.

Alas, like many people hoping to develop a new habit via the convenience of an app, I came away from my experiment still searching for answers. I felt overwhelmed by the number of choices I could make in a single sitting. Sessions often revisited the same skills I'd learned in past real-life classes — let thoughts come and go, "return to the breath" — which made me wonder what exactly I was paying for. And I could feel a twinge of cynicism every time a session wandered perilously close to the line between meditation and self-help. After a week or so, I started ignoring reminders to meditate and instead watched episodes of The Great British Bake Off on Netflix.

Of course, plenty of people have downloaded one of these apps, or others like them, and had the opposite reaction. They've found daily reminders and gamified tracking all the motivation they need to stick to their new habit. But I suspect countless others have faced obstacles similar to mine and those hurdles are important, regardless of whether or not a meditation app works for you. 

Meditation and mindfulness are becoming a big business, thanks to a growing body of research suggesting(opens in a new tab) that the practice of staying in the present moment and experiencing thoughts, feelings, and emotions without judgment can make us more resilient to stress, more compassionate toward others, and increase our ability to focus. Dangling such results in front of anxious consumers is one of Silicon Valley's big investment plays(opens in a new tab), and the proliferation of mindfulness apps shows there's an audience hungry for guidance.

In fact, mindfulness and meditation apps are so hot right now that Apple editors named(opens in a new tab) that category as one of four "breakout" trends in app culture in 2017. Maybe it had to do something with American politics turning into a GIF-able dumpster fire — and the avalanche of stressful news notifications that brought. Or perhaps people felt desperate for tranquility amid back-to-back natural disasters. Media(opens in a new tab) coverage(opens in a new tab) of mindfulness(opens in a new tab) certainly played a significant role in stoking interest. But whatever led someone to download a meditation app in the first place will only get them so far in developing that new habit.

The first thing to understand about the apps themselves is that many of them have very distinctive personalities (and price points). Meditating with Calm, Apple's best iPhone app(opens in a new tab) of 2017, feels like having the famously relaxed Bob Ross in your pocket. It's the visual and vocal equivalent of golden hour, when life feels peaceful and full of wonder.

Headspace, with its pastel and neutral tones and quirky illustrations, might remind you of stepping into a high-priced design store. It gives you permission to feel playful while trying to cool the existential angst that simmers just beneath the surface.

In other words, you'll want to select an app that fits naturally with your personality, just as you would choose a meditation instructor at your local yoga studio.

Spending some time to make that choice thoughtfully is in your bank account's best interest; all of the apps I downloaded are free but most of them require a monthly or annual subscription to access their full libraries and services. LARKR, which includes meditation as a free add-on to its paid talk therapy platform, has just a handful of guided sessions. Monthly and annual subscriptions for Calm, Shine, Pacifica, 10% Happier, Simple Habit, and Headspace range from $5.99 per month to $96 per year. If you're struggling to choose between apps, I highly recommend taking advantage of free trials if they're offered. 

The most important thing that my experiment taught me, however, is that you must know what you hope to gain from an app before using it. That might sound obvious, but it only rang true when I spoke to Shauna Shapiro, a professor of counseling at Santa Clara University and clinical psychologist who specializes in teaching mindfulness(opens in a new tab). I downloaded the apps for this story and because I wanted to get better at meditating daily, but I never stopped to consider a more soulful motivation.

"Whenever I begin teaching mindfulness, we always start with an intention," Shapiro says. "It helps set the compass of our heart ... That way they have the motivation [to practice] even if they feel like there are a million other things going on."

You might want to experience more joy in life or be more present with your child. But a practical goal like mine, while worthy, isn't necessarily going to send me back to my app every day. In fact, I suspect having a more spiritually aspirational goal might have increased my determination to meditate consistently.

Shapiro also believes a good app would ask you to reflect on and write your intention at the outset. None that I downloaded had that exact feature, but most of them offer some way of tracking how frequently you meditate and several of them encourage you to focus on "streaks," or consecutive days of use. 

In return, you'll get positive reinforcement, celebratory banners and badges, and invitations to share your stats publicly. Headspace, for example, denotes meditation milestones (1, 3, 10, 15 and so on) with a gold badge. Simple Habit calls streaks "special moments." Pacifica will show you a pop-up screen with your accomplishment along with a "Good going!" As with anything else that's gamified, the instant digital back pats can be addictive (hello, Fitbit), but Shapiro warns against going into autopilot as you try to maintain a meditation streak.

"Quantification is OK, but you have to remember why you're doing it," says Shapiro, "and it's not to win at a game — it's to win at life."

Shapiro encourages her clients to use apps when appropriate, but the key to success is how they’re used. (Shapiro is listed as a "featured teacher" on Simple Habit's app.)

She recommends starting with an in-person meditation class or workshop to better understand the "nuances and paradoxes" of mindfulness. If you rely on an app to impart this insight but don't have the opportunity to get valuable insight and feedback from an instructor, you might end up practicing in a way that isn't helpful.

If you're meditating in what Shapiro describes as a "judgmental frustrated way," that approach will yield only more judgment and frustration. What you want instead for mindfulness is to pay attention in a curious, kind, and open-hearted way.

The instructor in your app can only be so persuasive in helping you adopt this mindset. The beauty of in-person meditation classes, as intimidating or expensive as they may be, is that you sit in communion with other people who are on a journey similar to yours. They may ask questions about how to stay mindful when you’ve been cut off in traffic, bullied by a coworker, or disappointed by a loved one. Learning from these conversations is a vital experience, especially if most of your meditation work will ultimately happen via an app. 

Some of the apps anticipate that need. 10% Happier, which markets itself as "meditation for fidgety skeptics," offers personal coaching from experts who typically reply to questions within a day. Simple Habit creates challenges for users to try to achieve a meditation goal together. The app also shows you how many people are meditating and lets you invite friends to join your practice. Similarly, Headspace lets you "add a buddy."

"The apps can go awry quite quickly," Shapiro says. "But if you have a good foundation, then an app is good scaffolding."

When an app worked for me, I found that I was more conscious of breathing throughout the day. Even taking a minute to practice calmly inhaling and exhaling, as you can do on Pacifica, Calm, Headspace, Simple Habit, and 10% Happier, helped me feel less stressed. Spending five minutes with Calm's "body scan" every night before bed seemed to lead to more restful sleep. And I won't lie: Walking away from my computer to meditate for 10 minutes during the workday for my job was heaven.  

Yet despite these positive results, I didn't experience the profound benefits that Shapiro described as possible, including feeling more peaceful and present. I wasn't sure I was benefiting significantly from meditating via an app, compared to an IRL class, and I was also overwhelmed by the number of meditation sessions available.

John Torous, co-director of the digital psychiatry program at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, wasn't surprised.

Torous pointed out that we don’t actually know if using digital technology to cultivate mindfulness produces the same results as in-person classes and training. A few of the apps are actively trying to answer this question. Headspace has published research(opens in a new tab) suggesting that its app may help increase compassion and improve mood. Pacifica has partnered(opens in a new tab) with the University of Minnesota to conduct a randomized controlled study using the app, but the results haven't yet been published. There is, however, no scientific consensus that app-based meditation will lead to the same positive outcomes as an in-person practice. Using your phone to meditate might even worsen your experience.

Related pro-tip: Always put your phone on airplane mode or do not disturb while meditating or you’ll end up like me, jolted out of serenity by an epic family group text or notifications about the prospect of nuclear war.

"There's such a rush to translate mindfulness that works well and push it onto a technology platform," says Torous, who leads the American Psychiatric Association's work group on the evaluation of smartphone apps. "What does it mean to be mindful with a phone? Mindfulness in person is a lot different than mindfulness on your phone on the subway during rush hour."

Moreover, Torous says, apps are designed to hook users but don't always have a good plan for how to help users reach a goal. I could relate. I practically salivated over the libraries of content offered in each app at first glance, but it quickly became clear that I could careen from trying to reduce stress to improve sleep to gain better focus, all without making much real progress at all.

All of the apps I tried could benefit from a brief orientation that helps people understand how the tool in their hands is meant to be used. Headspace's website, for example, had a great explanation of how to use its app, starting with the "foundation" courses and then moving on to "packs" that reflect a specific interest, yet I only found that primer by accident, thanks to a Google search.

Either way, my experiment taught me to look past the allure of a well-stocked meditation library and consider instead what personal goal you're hoping to achieve — aside from any core intention for your practice — and which app might be best positioned to help you attain it. And don’t feel guilty when you ignore a session that looks tempting but doesn't seem obviously connected to the intention you've set.

As for me, I haven’t yet given up on meditating consistently. I think I'll take another class at my local yoga studio as a reminder of why mindfulness is so rewarding, even if it takes a lot of work. Then I'll settle on an intention — and just one app to try for a few months. Maybe at that point, I’ll have a completely different story to tell.

Choosing a meditation app isn't all wind chimes and chants. Before you commit to a monthly or annual (or even lifetime) subscription, you'll need to do a little research. Here's a cheat sheet of what seven apps offer in the way of meditation. All apps are available on Android and iOS unless otherwise noted.

Whatever you decide to download, be sure to read the terms of service and look for any language about how the app sells or shares your data. You'll want to know beforehand if information about your nightly meditation practice ends up in another marketer's hands.